1. Relationships can be smooth and beautiful and amazing. Stop romanticising abuse and pain as love. Love is healthy and not destructive.
2. I assure you that the heavens and the earth pays attention to your affirmation of the kind of partners you desire and want. If you keep saying that men are terrible, you better not complain when you get such.
3. You are a complete human being. Stop seeking attachments even to the detriment of yourself and sanity and especially peace. Listen to your soul. Peace or nothing.
4. Your standards are not unrealistic I assure you. You can find a faithful man, a worthy/kind man, a respectful and considerate man, a responsible man. Don’t let societal stories bully you into believing that such don’t exist. Also, be what you seek in another.
5. Make your own money. You’ll be saved from a lot of insults when you do this. You should be the first person to pamper yourself. Give yourself a treat. Go to the movies alone. Go to places alone. Spoil yourself by yourself. You’re not damsel in distress. What distress again? Your shoe falls out, pick it yourself. Get moving. (If you need to acquire any kind of skill, do let me know. I have friends who can help).
6. Open your mind to learn always. The world is in our hands. There is no excuse anymore. Make researches yourself and give a middle finger to theories and things that no longer suit you or sit well with you.
7. Be ruthless about your life. Continuously shape it without fear or favour. Not everyone will understand but that’s not your worry.
8. You are beautiful. Yes we all love to be affirmed but this knowledge should come from you first. You need no one to affirm you. You. Are. Beautiful.
Many thanks to Enwogo C Cleopas for this piece. An excerpt from a Facebook post, this piece articulates some of the things we share with women survivors of domestic violence and abuse in counselling. We at CHELD hope the message continues to spread wide and far and helps save survivors and prevent others from entering or remaining in toxic and abusive relationships.